I just used my index finger to test the the Elixir. Okay. Not that smart. I get it - now.
I'm sucking on my finger which is still an abnormal shade of red. A second pull of the Elixir immediately brings to mind two things.
One, the liquid is still "oh-tick-momma" hot and, Two, deep disturbing questions about "finger fame".
What finger do you immediately think about when you hear these two words: the Bird?
Uh-huh. Me, too.
Why is this finger more famous than the index finger? Granted, we all know which finger is the index finger, so it does have a certain following and notoriety.
But the Bird. It's capitalized. It's even universal. The crew of the Pueblo, in a sign of rebellion against their North Korean captors, posed for the cameras, all of them sporting the "Hawaiian Good Luck Sign" (that's what they told the NKs, anyway). AKA - the Bird.
Not one of the crew pointed at the cameras with an index finger.
Yet, the index finger does it all. It points directions, it pushes buttons and doorbells, it excavates nostrils, and in the 60's and 70's it was held aloft by youthful evangelicals to delineate the One Way to God.
But somehow, the Bird became the word people choose to express in times of stress.
Not "One Way".
Nope.
The Bird.
Gazing out at a snow-covered yard, I try another pull of the now-non-cauterizing Elixir, bringing about another epiphany.
Winter is the perfect time to get Bird-Flipping under control, if we need to.
Just wear mittens while driving!
"One Way", the Bird, even "Hook 'Em Horns" all look the same in mittens.
This winter when that moron alongside us cuts us off, we can simply lay on the horn and raise our mitten. We and we alone will know the specifics of communication.
We'll either be relaying our wish that the offensive driver go to Heaven - or to the other place without passing Go.
Either the Bird or the Word.
Our choice.
Now . . . where are my chopper mitts?