Well, actually, it was.
Yesterday.
Running late for work, I staggered into the Reading Room, got the shower running, and stepped in.
Since I don't shower with my glasses on, I groped the colors on the shower shelves to try and hide my scent from co-workers over the next 8 hours.
Chlorine-shocked hot water was running down my head.
Steam was hanging around waiting to get sucked up the exhaust fan.
I reached for the liquid soap aka "body wash" with legally-blind, 20/200 eyes.
Yeah.
I doused the scrunchie-thingie with the white creamy stuff.
(On "Laverne & Shirley", didn't Laverne wear one of these things on her head?)
I made a quick tour of the hemispheres, rinsed, shut down, and stepped into the relative foggy spaciousness of the Reading Room.
A quick shave with moderate to mild bleeding, a blast of searing cologne on open cuts, and I was off to the bedroom.
But while tugging on a shirt, I started to feel...
"soft and manageable".
Like my armpits could be braided into smooth little pigtails.
Uh-oh.
I gave a quick whiff.
Oh, maaaaaaan.
It smelled like Gallagher had just waded into a flock of coconuts with a ball peen hammer.
The "body wash" was, yes, hair conditioner.
AHHHHHHH!!!!
Why does everything have to be in white and yellow bottles?!!!
I had to go to work right then , no time for a do-over.
And by 10 o'clock, I could tell I wasn't antibacterial.
By 10:15, everyone was fighting for upwind positions.
Yep.
I was a huge petri dish.
Without a lid.
Niiiiiice.
Driving home, I huddled behind the frozen steering wheel, sipping the Elixir of Knowledge from a gas station cup.
Paraphrases of verses began to pop up as the Elixir washed over them.
"But Lord, didn't we wash all the time?
"Be gone. You stink."
"There is a way that seems right to a man but it's end stinks."
"Having the look of soap but denying its power."
Then another thought hit me.
Rather, a song.
One from a musical we did way back in high school. Freshman year.
"Things are seldom what they seem;
Skim milk masquerades as cream."
Yeah.
So does hair conditioner.