A guy from church, out of the goodness of his heart, brought a load of firewood over.
Free of charge.
Wouldn't take a dime.
Great guy.
Great gift.
And I can't get the wood to burn.
The wood still has that light-tan color, still sorta young in "firewood years".
It's not that weathered grey of aged, prime firewood.
And it's heavy, not light.
It's still got moisture in it.
It's not completely dry yet.
Getting it started is tough.
And keeping it lit.
It won't burn hot.
As in "taking the chill off when it's 15 below outside" hot.
Too much moisture.
Not dead enough.
So here I sit.
The sun will be up in about 3 hours.
I have my Chain-Of-Lakes throw blanket (a gift from the DAGU)draped over my feet and lap, the Elixir of Knowledge within easy reach, and the laptop is topping my lap.
I take a pull of the Elixir while looking at the struggling fire in the woodburner.
And it hits me.
Oh. Wow.
The wood isn't dead enough. Too much of what it was is still in there.
Huh.
Am I "dead enough" or am I still kinda . . . well, kinda full of it?
Is that why I don't burn?
Why I'm not hot for Him?
Whoa.
Kinda early for honesty. But the Elixir is insistent and I'm already down the rabbit hole.
Huh.
A thought wanders through, stopping long enough to gently poke my mind.
Being dead to ... Dying to ... Presenting yourselves as ...
All the stuff I've heard on all those Sundays.
Noooow I get it.
Kinda-sorta.
Too much of me. Of the old life.
And it's keeping me from burning.
Brightly.
Keeping me from bringing His warmth to the world around me.
Yeah.
I glow but I don't burn.
The world is still cold.
And dark.
Huh.
The Elixir erodes a story.
A true story of Jim Elliot.
He was a missionary back 50-60 years ago.
He had a pretty neat quote.
"He is no fool
who gives what he cannot keep
to gain that which he cannot lose."
Yeah.
He died about 50-60 years ago, too.
But he was pretty dead long before he died.
Dying to self. Becoming dry.
More of Him and less of Jim.
He burned bright and hot at the end.
And the guys with him, and their widows.
They ignited a whole people.
They poured a lotta light and warmth into a dark, cold place.
And turned it into a Kingdom place.
Now that . . .
. . . that's some "good wood".