The two heralds of the season have been present for awhile now, their voices heard for days - the shoreline lapping of open waters and the attacking buzz of mosquitoes.
And to make the most of the fishing experience, one needs a boat.
Not only can you access the deep parts of the lake, a boat goes out far enough to where the mosquitoes have to book transatlantic flights to get to you.
Boats are nice.
I'm sitting here in the Chair, watching the sunrise, thinking about my boat in the garage.
They both should be right where Phlegm, the Taurus, is parked.
But they're not.
The garage and the boat sit next to my New Year's weight-loss resolution, all awaiting a resurrection to reality.
Some day.
Disgustedly I toss back the dregs of this morning's Elixir, shooting it down the wrong pipe to enjoy a near-drowning experience in the comfort of my own home.
Now that breathing is restored, I crawl out to the kitchen, (the beach being too far away), and pour some more of the potentially lethal Elixir of Knowledge.
Back in the Chair, I cautiously take a sip.
Nailed it.
Then another.
On a roll now.
A third sip and I'm on autopilot.
My mind starts to connect the dots with the Elixir's help, studying the relationship between drowning and boats and fishing.
Say I'm in the water.
Eventually I'll drown, no matter how good a swimmer I am.
(Hey, even Kevin Kostner had a boat in Waterworld and he had gills.)
So I swim over and hold onto the Boat.
His Boat.
No, no. HIS Boat. Not Kevin's.
Stay with me here.
But I don't get in His Boat.
I just kinda hold onto it.
Tightly.
But I don't get in.
Now why would I do that?
Not get in?
Well, maybe I wanna stay in the water.
I'm kinda used to it.
And, honestly, I don't think that I'm in any real danger of drowning. He wouldn't let that happen. Right?
Yeah.
I'm good.
This is good.
I'm fine.
He pleads with me to get IN the Boat, not just hold ONTO the Boat.
But if I get in the Boat, my options are rather limited.
Sure, I'll be warm.
And dry.
But I'll be confined to HIS Boat.
And out here in the water, I call the shots. I'm free to -
Then it hits me.
I'm only free to drown.
No wonder this whole "ONTO" thing sucks.
It's the worst of both worlds.
I'm can't swim around like everybody else because I know the danger and I'm STILL cold, wet, and miserable.
Makes it kinda hard to fish, too.
Having a Form Of Boating but denying it's Power ... Boating.
Gettin' "IN" His Boat is the only thing that makes any sense at all, really.
Plus I'll get a nice, good-lookin' tan instead of this pruny, wrinkly skin-thing.
Yeah. There's that.